she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
