Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
