I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
