no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
