What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
