Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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