I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
