we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize