Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
