just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
