i just had sex bonerless
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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