Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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