He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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