I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
