And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
