Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize