you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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