i think my mom watched the whole time
never play flip cup with pint glasses
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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