I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
