oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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