Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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