wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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