so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He better not be in your backpack
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
