Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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