I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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