watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
