walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I am midnight drunk by noon
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
