Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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