just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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