Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
