me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
