I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
