You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
