I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
