I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
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