Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
