she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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