you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
