My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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