The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize