The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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