How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
