I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
