if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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