Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
