I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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