I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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