You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
