ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
