I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i think my tv is drunk
one two three fourrrrnication!
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
