This is not my ceiling
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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