dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
