bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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