Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
ugly people sure do ruin things
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
