I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
