are you so shy because you have an std?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
