so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize