I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
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