I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
she told me i tasted like america
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize