Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
