Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
