I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize