Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
