So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
