She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
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