it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
