Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
