Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
