I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize