I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
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