"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
