Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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