Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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