Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
