i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Randomize
