Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
