Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
